Being famous for my sage and wise advice on a variety of subjects, from art to zoology and everything in between, I find that one has to be prepared to guide on almost anything. Naturally I do not claim to be knowledgeable on all the myriad of requests, that I receive letters about but I am jolly well ready to have a go at answering them!
My replies are always brief and simple and I like to think I go directly to the heart of the matter. Correspondents are in the main requesting advice on how to handle some form of relationship or inter personnel issue, whatever the context might be. They know my reputation as an ex-diplomat and are keen for me to help resolve their everyday difficulties.
My replies are always brief and simple and I like to think I go directly to the heart of the matter. Correspondents are in the main requesting advice on how to handle some form of relationship or inter personnel issue, whatever the context might be. They know my reputation as an ex-diplomat and are keen for me to help resolve their everyday difficulties.
You know us humans seem to have a knack for making stuff, more complicated than it needs to be, we over analyse, dissect and generally find extra ways to cock up an already uncomfortable situation, we really can make a drama out of a crisis!
This is particularly true of the English, we are a nation who rather than offend anyone, no matter what the provocation, will do almost anything else and as for complaining, well we would rather cut off our own hand!
This is particularly true of the English, we are a nation who rather than offend anyone, no matter what the provocation, will do almost anything else and as for complaining, well we would rather cut off our own hand!
Perhaps this explains why us Brits make such excellent diplomats!
Now I appreciate that that is a rather general sweeping statement and many of you reading this do not take that view or behave that way but we don't have a international reputation for the old stiff upper lip for nothing!
Let me illustrate.
A young male student wrote to me regarding a tutor who was finding ways of keeping after him after her lectures and making not too subtle suggestions of a sexual nature. She was not an unattractive lady and had a reputation for advances of this nature to male students but had never been challenged, some had succumbed to her advances perhaps thinking this would enhance their chances. It made him feel uncomfortable and although in a way he was flattered, he did not want the attention and did not know how to resolve the situation without upsetting her and harming his chances in her lectures. In short he was prepared to endure and avoid her rather than speak up.
A young male student wrote to me regarding a tutor who was finding ways of keeping after him after her lectures and making not too subtle suggestions of a sexual nature. She was not an unattractive lady and had a reputation for advances of this nature to male students but had never been challenged, some had succumbed to her advances perhaps thinking this would enhance their chances. It made him feel uncomfortable and although in a way he was flattered, he did not want the attention and did not know how to resolve the situation without upsetting her and harming his chances in her lectures. In short he was prepared to endure and avoid her rather than speak up.
My reply was straight to the point, there were two things he could do. One, call her bluff, if bluff it was and if she was not bluffing, then who knows he might have a great time, though naturally this was fraught with danger. Two, tell her straight that her attention was inappropriate and and make it crystal, to cease, firmly, politely and without any ambiguity.
Now I have no way of knowing whether he took my advice and used it or if he is still in an awkward situation but my point is resolution can only be achieved by facing the issue and addressing it directly with the person or persons involved. Prevarication or avoidance in my experience only exacerbates the problem, it gets worse, more awkward and resolution becomes more and more difficult. The Guestling way is to nip it in the bud.
Lady Guestling has a succinct way of expressing it.
It's like a boil Guesty she will say Lance it and let the poison out!
Well you can't say fairer than that, wise woman my wife.
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