It's not all meetings and bone china!

Sir Guestling here
You know having been in Her Majesty's diplomatic service, I had over the years some odd and amusing requests from the many of the people that I've dealt with along the way. One such, was a very wealthy man in deepest Kazakhstan, who in return for shared water rights for a village close by, wanted a shirt and the autograph of all the players of the Plymouth Argyle football club! Apparently his father on his one trip to Britain had ended up watching a match they played and had become an instant fan. He had passed this love of "The Pilgrims"  to his son and though he had never been out of his own country, he followed their exploits and suffered as any fan would with their ups and downs. 
A farmer in a remote village in Kenya, was not keen on a road being built across his land. It was a British company that had won the contract and so we were asked to negotiate with him. Through an interpreter, it became clear that he was quite intransigent and was not going to budge. It seemed there was little he wanted and no inducement, large or small had any effect, in changing his mind. I noticed that he appeared to live alone and could see no evidence of any family, unusual for a land owning Kenyan man. I asked him where his family was and he replied that his wife had left him and that they had not had any children. He was a man of middling years, seemingly good natured, he suddenly smiled broadly, his impossibly white teeth showing, he tugged at my sleeve.
He spoke rapidly to the interpreter, who nodded and turned to me now also smiling. 
Sir, he wants another wife!
Well I joined in the communal smiling, in parts of Kenya it is not unusual for a man to have more than one wife and anyway his had left him. Arrangements were made, wife was found and road was built.
In Washington USA the capital and seat of government, as we all know anything can happen and does so on a daily basis. A more political fast paced arena you will not find anywhere else in the world. The intrigue, corruption and scandal is endemic and the accompanying media frenzy that feeds off of it, is mind boggling. Everyone is making a deal or trying to get something for something as they all endeavour to climb the greasy pole. In spite of this there is humour and genuinely odd moments that one encountered in the course of one's professional service. Britain is inexorably partnered with the USA and nothing is ever likely to change that, so it is always busy. Most Americans are pretty insular and their view of the world somewhat narrow, as far as they are concerned, although they know there are other countries, the States is far to important to know much about them!
A certain Senator, whom I had spent a lot of time with and knew moderately well, lingered after a meeting and when the others involved had left the room, shut the door and turning to me asked if he could discuss something of a personal nature. He explained that his daughter had fallen for an Englishman and she was talking about marrying him. The daughter was relatively young, although of legal age to make such a decision. He thought she was too young to get married anyway but certainly not to this man who his instinct told him not to trust. 
This "limey" who had won my precious little girls affection, as he put it, was up to no good! Guestling can you help me? 
Well I looked into it and it turned out that this "limey" was actual an Aussie and our dear Senator had confused a broad Adelaide accent with us Brits, typical American! He was a fine lad from a prominent family and it seemed it was true love. I contacted the father and informed him he had nothing to concern himself about. 
He's from Adelaide, he exclaimed, where the hell is that in the UK? I made my excuses and gave up!
Another negotiation, in yet another location involved a lady requiring a Rolls Royce and a live goat! Both were duly provided and it is perhaps prudent to gloss over the purpose of this request, suffice it to say that it was slightly on the wrong side of the legal line but a deal was done and diplomacy kept the peace.
I've provided all sorts of other odd items, in order to facilitate the smooth path of negotiation of local and/or international incident. People, animals, cars, boats, food, furniture, electronics, copious quantities of alcohol and tobacco products and many more far more bizarre items, including for one particular couple an entire shipment of erotic sex equipment, which were banned in their strict country.
One man would not budge from his position without every person in our embassy appearing before him and getting on their knees and and genuflecting. Even for the some of my staff this was a step to far and it took some persuasion on my part. 
Yes diplomacy is not all meetings and bone china, you have to get down and dirty sometimes, as they say!