Today is our 41st wedding anniversary. We did not get to celebrate out 40th for obvious reasons. I am taking my darling Wendy out for breakfast and then we are going to go food shopping. I know how to show a girl a good time! She has been my rock and my best friend for nearly 45 years and I hope I have been hers! We’ve had good times and bad, just like everyone. We row, we laugh, we cry, it’s never been dull (well most of the time I’m glad to say) We have learnt to accept most of each other’s idiosyncratic ways and those little annoying habits that all people have. If could have told my freshly married self one thing it would have been patience, though I doubt at that age I would have been able to listen. Marriage is not easy, dedicating yourself to one person for most of your life has to be worked at and worked at! There have been times when either of us might have walked out, although as Wendy often says she would not have the patience to break another partner in! We have taught each other a lot, we are both curious and love learning though she is far and above me when it comes to academia. Where did the time go? In her latter years Wendy has be plagued by constant pain and has Fibre Myalgia, an incurable condition that from day to day can cause all sorts of debilitating effects, both mental and physical. How she manages is a mystery to me and whilst I to have my own aches and pains compared to her it is nothing. I am sure Wendy won’t mind me telling you that she has suffered and still fights depression, an insidious black nasty mental fog that can stop you in your tracks. I have tried my best to be supportive but as a partner there is little you can do until the condition is acknowledged by the one suffering from it. It never goes away and you can easily slide back into the depths. She has successfully fought it with a little bit of insight from a nurse who she sought some help with. Like so many event from her childhood have had a long lasting and profound affect on her adult life. If I could take even 10% of her pain, I would do so in a heartbeat!
I would not change a thing about the last 41 years (even if it were possible) because that have made us the people we are and frankly although I in particular have many faults, I’m happy with who we have become. We are so in tune that she often says the exact thing I was about to, we are not unique in that but it is spooky!
Marriage has had it’s up and downs over history and human behaviour is never straight forward but it survives as the one partnership that most people aspire to and continue to commit to. It is not easy but in my opinion if you find the right partner it is an enriching and wonderful way to for two people to live together for life. I am lucky I found the right woman and I love her more now than I ever have!
Stay well
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