Lie after lie, corruption after corruption, battered from all sides and with support dwindling it’s time I stopped writing this blog and was voted in as the new PM! I claim no understanding of the inner workings of government, so I should be perfect for the job. I am old and out of touch, so from a leaders perspective I am just right! I very adept at wasting money, though I am not to good at fathering children as I had the snip many years ago! Unfortunately my hairstyle can only be best described as “thinning” but when I remove my hat it does look messy! I have perfected a bumbling sort of matey style, which should go down well with those who think my personality should be the sole reason for supporting me? I am excellent at getting things wrong and my wife will tell you I have selective hearing, which is a real necessity in a top job like PM! I have had all my vaccinations, so I can stand at the podium and spout a holier than you litany of meaningless phrases to try and encourage our nation to have theirs? I often forget what I was going to say and have difficulty remembering some peoples names. I can support many things that I don’t believe in, as long as it allows me to remain in my post! I can look you in the eye and state quite clearly that I did not say something which you have me on record clearly stating and I am fluent in bullshit, nonsense and deception! Indeed I am so well qualified for the top job it is a wonder I have not been plucked from obscurity to serve? I think my finest virtue is my ignorance and snobbery and a particular ability to have no idea how most people go about their daily lives, after all why should I have any regard for the plebes who mostly inhabit this great country of ours? When it comes to flag waving patriotic fist pumping rhetoric, there is no one more qualified to lead the cheering for the UK. After all we have so much to be grateful for, food banks, our homeless, veterans, the cost of living, our ruined NHS and so much more that I could go on about all day and as for Johnny Foreigner, well we don’t need them until of course someone points out we do and then I will welcome them with open arms! So you can see I am absolutely right for the job and expecting a call any day now to replace the current incumbent, whose forthright upstanding moral leadership is can longer be tolerated and is putting the great back into Great Britain far to quickly!
On a lighter note two words from Susie Dent
QUIDLING (18th century) Paying attention to trivial matters in order to address the important ones!
BAMBLUSTRATE (19th century)to try to deceive or mislead a blend of bamboozle and bluster!
Stay well
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