Thursday

Varied as my career has been I'm always grateful when something comes out and surprises me. So imagine my fascination when a publisher of my acquaintance gave me a call and asked if I would be interested in writing a memoir.

Sir Guestling you've had such an interesting life, we are confident that a memoir written in your own hand could be a real winner

Of course flattery will get you everywhere and I was intrigued as to what he meant by a winner, never being one to shy away from a good payday! 

Well I'm certainly willing to discuss it, old boy

Fantastic give me your email address and I will send you confirmation when and where we can meet

I own many things but an email address is not one of them

Sorry old boy I intoned Not a clue what your on about, email afraid not

There was silence at the other end a sharp intake of breath and then 

Well I'll get my assistant to call you back with some dates and we'll get together

Right'o old boy look forward to it

Well I can tell you I was quite excited, visualizing my name on a spine of a glossy tome prominent on the shelves of the book stores and flying out the door. I even practiced my signature for those book signing events that they hold.

Later that day Lady Guestling returned from some spa treatment she had been on with her gang of the girls, as she referred to them. I tend to stay out of her way when she has returned from these outings as she comes back quite relaxed and I don't want to spoil the mood, she can turn on a sixpence but I thought I could risk sharing this good news.

She looked at me with genuine astonishment and at first I actually thought she was speechless, great I thought she can't believe it, of course I was right but not for the right reason

You write a memoir, you can't even remember where you've put your glasses, write a memoir, my darling you've as much chance of writing a book as becoming an astronaut!

A little harsh I thought after all I'd have to find my glasses to write the book in the first place and I'd never harbored any ambition to go into space I shrugged and retired diplomatically before any fireworks started going off, I maybe many things but after 30 odd years of marriage I know when to cut and run!

Later, whisky in hand and relaxing in my favourite armchair, a cold claw gripped my thoughts as reality came in to sharp focus as to the task of actually siting and putting words on the page.

Might have to review this one!